The Early Days
The moment someone close to us dies, whether we were told afterwards or if we were with them, we are flooded with emotion. The initial shock can affect us physically and make us feel light headed and nauseated.
There are no rules to how anyone grieves.
We can disconnect with the reality of what has happened and feel disbelief. If someone has suffered, we can feel both devastation and relief at the same time - and that is confusing. In fact relief can quickly alter into guilt.
Whatever emotion hits us - it is normal to feel it and be overwhelmed.
Grief isn't one isolated emotion. We cannot simply call it a 'deep sadness' because it is a tsunami of emotions. They merge, follow each other and switch from one to another in the blink of an eye. It becomes hard to identify what we are feeling and impossible to put anything into words.
Death stirs up individual emotions - what you feel may not be what someone else feels.
The one thing we do all know for sure is that life will never be the same again.
The Funeral Service
Planning a funeral can be a frightening experience if you haven't ever done it before. There are so many options these days even down to choosing a Funeral Director. On one busy high street alone, there can be multiple companies. It can be stressful knowing which one to walk in to or contact.
If you live in England and more specifically in Hertfordshire, South Bedfordshire or West Essex I would be pleased to recommend community and people focused Funeral Directors who work with compassion and integrity.
Asking friends for recommendations is also a good idea.
If your family member or close friend died in a Care Home then the staff may be happy to recommend a Funeral Director.
Click on the Learn More button for more information about planning a funeral.
I hope it is of help.
The healing process
Coping with the death of a close family friend or family member and moving forward is the hardest challenge any of us can face. The closer the person was to you, the more intense the feelings. I spoke a little about the first few moments and days after the death - but grieving is a process and it takes time for the raw feelings to diminish.
We all have different coping mechanisms and reactions.
Most people recover with the support of friends and family but it can still take many months to come to terms with the stark reality of death. Complicated grief can take longer, for example, if there was friction or abuse in the relationship.
Professional support is the best way to process anger, guilt and regret.
All of the 'firsts' bring back the sadness. First birthdays, first Christmas, even the first anniversary of the death can bring everything back. You will heal but it can take time and it is a long road we all have to travel.
- Talk about them, often.
- Accept your feelings.
- Enjoy yours and others' memories.
- Take care of your health. Our immune systems can take a bashing.
- Reach out to friends for help and support.
- Mark anniversaries by getting together with family if it helps. I know not all families rub along - that's why we have friends too.